When Your Wife is Afraid of Guns

Dear Fellow Survivalist;

There are a lot of people who are afraid of guns. In my personal experience there are more women afraid of guns, then men. That’s not a hard and fast statistic, but merely my own observations. My mother is afraid of guns, my first wife was afraid of guns and my fiancé is afraid of guns. It seems that my life has been surrounded by women who are afraid of guns. fortunately, my daughters are not.

We have to understand that all fears are irrational. They’re not the kind of thing you can talk someone out of. Nor are all fears equal. Some people’s fears are so strong, that they close their eyes when they see a gun on a television program. That’s how my first wife was. At the same time, some of these people can recognize the utility of guns and the value of having them for self-defense. Again, my first wife was that way. Each is an individual and needs to be dealt with that way.

The first step in dealing with anyone who is afraid of guns is to try and identify their fear. Why are they afraid of guns and how deep is that fear? Part of my mother’s fear comes from my nephew being shot to death by a drug dealer.

A lot of fear can come from unfamiliarity. That was the case with my first wife. She was so afraid that she wouldn’t look at a gun, even though she wanted me to have them and even to carry concealed, so that I could protect her and the kids.

But there’s a problem with depending on the man of the house to be the protector. That is, what does the family do, when dad isn’t home? Who is going to protect them then? That’s the argument I ultimately went to her with, leading to her overcoming her fear and getting her own concealed carry license.

Our local shooting range, where I am a member, had a couple’s night, when we were still married. I invited her, hoping that she could talk to some of the other women who shoot. She agreed, more to shut me up than anything; but she agreed. Once there, I asked her if she wanted to try it. Once again she agreed and once again that was just to shut me up. As we opened the door to the range, several people shot and she bolted like a rabbit.

I followed her out and she said, “You go ahead and shoot; I’m staying here,” so I did. While I was in there, they had the drawing for the door prizes and she won a gift certificate for a free concealed carry class. When I came out, she told me that she was going to get her license.

Let me say here that you can’t force anyone to overcome their fear; they have to decide to do that on their own. That’s what happened in her case. She made that decision and I supported her through it. I taught her how to shoot, but only after she decided that she was going to overcome her fear. Winning that gift certificate gave her the motivation to overcome it and as she learned and became more familiar with guns, her fear left her. When she completed the course, I gave her a gun.

This doesn’t mean that the same will happen with anyone else; your wife, for example. A lot depends on how fearful she is, her inner strength and the decisions she makes. My ex decided to overcome her fear and therefore did so. That decision was the key.

On the other hand, my fiancé, who was in the Army and knows how to shoot, has no interest whatsoever in having anything to do with guns. She was a nurse and has seen too many people injured and killed by gun accidents. Even so, she knows I carry and accepts that; but she won’t touch my gun. The only concession she asks, is that I carry it concealed, which I do anyway.

So we have a working accommodation. She understands why I carry and doesn’t have any problem with it; I understand that she doesn’t want anything to do with my guns and have no problem with that. I am able to protect us and she doesn’t have to bother with something that really bothers her. On the other hand, if she ever has to use one of my guns, we both know that she can.

My mother, who is deathly afraid of guns, allowed my dad to have them, recognizing their value to the family. But she was smart enough to insist that my dad teach my brother and I how to shoot at a young age, for safety reasons. Children who understand guns don’t get in gun accidents, unlike children who are kept away from them. Those children are curious.

The key in each of these situations was in finding what worked for the people involved. If fear is an issue, find a way around that fear. Don’t try and push your opinion on someone else and don’t belittle their fear. We are all afraid of something. We just can’t let that fear overwhelm our lives. So, find out what your wife thinks and find a way to work with it; but no matter what, keep your powder dry and your survival gear close at hand.

Dr. Rich

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